Parenting lesson #23: Kids have accidents

I learnt an important lesson in parenting this morning: that kids have accidents. And that we should learn how to distinguish between these incidents, with them deliberately being difficult.

I used to get quite annoyed when Raeven, my three-year-old, spills her nan-nan or when she falls down running in the shopping centre. This morning, Raeven had a tiny accident trying to get up from her potty, making a mess on the floor outside our bathroom. I was just about to show displeasure (it was barely seven in the morning!) but when I saw her face, which was twisted in a mixture of embarassment and fear of me reprimanding her, I realised that OMG, I’ve become this unreasonable, uncontrollable mommy who gets angry because she is the one who has to clean up the mess.

And that is what a lot of us do. We can’t help but resent the chores associated with parenting. We are human after all. But at three, Raeven will not understand why she is being reprimanded so severely for making an honest mistake. Raeven has always been a little clumsy – and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So I made a promise to myself, and to her, that I will pause a moment the next time she does something ‘wrong’, to evaluate the situation before passing judgment and getting annoyed. It’s not going to be easy, but I will just have to try.

My toddler IS human, after all.

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2 Comments »

  1. *applause*

  2. multidimid said

    There are NO accidents. If you cut your finger, it is no accident. If you stub your toe, it is no accident. If you come down with the flu, or with a virus, it is no accident. If you have a chronic physical difficulty, it is no accident. If you are creative, it is no accident. If you get good news, it is no accident. If lovely things happen to you, it is no accident. If a mess is created by overturned potty, it is no accident either.

    Whenever you feel yourself powerless and frustrated, then you think accidents just happen and that you have no control over them. The only answer is to realize that you form physical events, individually and en mass; you form and create the physical reality that you know and experience. Learn the lessons well.

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