If it ain’t broke, fix it.

Isn’t it weird how sometimes, some conversations that occured weeks or even months ago, can suddenly just show up in the middle of your brain?

Perhaps I have too much time now that I’m just sitting in a semi-empty house with just my PC, but a conversation I had with some of my girl friends the other day, about another girl friend, just popped up and I decided to blog about it.

Now my girl friend G, has been seeing this guy, A, for like eight years. They are planning to get married this year, but no date has been set. You know how it is when two people have been dating that long, and have been putting something away for so long, that before you know it, the year you say you’re going to get the knot tied, is here. And people start asking for specifics. And you realise you don’t have any, because you REALLY haven’t planned a wedding but at all.

Anyway, I never really liked A. Not when we first got to know him. But apparently, he’s changed. Still, he’s left many a bad influence on G. Apparently, G is now not working, and spends thousands of ringgit gambling. Yes. G gambles. On 4D, on horses. According to my friend F, she lost like over a thousand ringgit the last time they got in touch. It was truly shocking.

But you know how it is with telling your girl friends the truth about their men. I’ve been there and I nearly got beaten up physically for my trouble. You just don’t tell your friend that her guy sucks. First, she will NEVER believe you because no matter HOW long you’ve known her, the guy matters more since he’s seen her naked. Secondly, girls are mostly idealists. We like to believe someone can change for the better. We are also conceited, thinking we can help that change happen because – well, he loves me. He will change for me.

Oh please.

So now it’s eight years and wedding bells are supposed to be ringing, but they are, for the most part, silent. We ask our friend M, with genuine concern, why G is still with A?

“She says she prefers to fix the problems with him, since they’ve been together for so long, then to go through the same problems with a new guy,” says M.

Now that’s a reason I’ve never actually heard before. It’s both logical and illogical at the same time. Yes, all relationships have problems. And yes, many couples often encounter the same problems (or else we won’t have women’s magazines or – ahem – aunt agony columns): taking each other for granted, a lack of intimacy, a lack of commitment, a lack of knowledge where the clitoris REALLY is (and NOT admitting to it).

But to trudge on with the same fellow because if every relationship is GOING to have problems, might as well work on the one you’ve invested so much time and effort on?

Talk about old-fashioned.

What I found to be truly depressing is that for her philosophy to work, she must believe that all men are essentially the same. Or more like, the kind of men SHE likes.

That is a belief that is true to a good extent. Birds of a feather and all that. And if so, it DOES sound more practical to work on your problems instead of moving on. But that also means that there is no room for romance to surprise. For new experiences. For someone fresh to take her breath away.

I told you it was depressing.

And to think that A is the ONLY guy G has ever dated. For someone as beautiful as her to have lost such hope in men, is just tragic.

Then again, some might say that such dedication and perseverance are lost ideals in today’s love ’em and leave ’em world!

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6 Comments »

  1. adriene said

    how sad that a woman has let a man bring her down to such a state and not even realise it or believe that there could be any one better… 😦

  2. eddyhan said

    Or probably she just got confused between love and obligation.

    This guy you mentioned makes Paul look even more charming…

  3. Kelantan Girl said

    Perhaps it’s a pride thing… you know… all this while people tell you he’s not right for you and then you finally admit… wah lose face-lah. It’s foolish, but there are people out there who rather suffer than admit that they made a mistake.

    Perhaps it’s also a low self-esteem issue, afraid of change. It’s scary being alone again. Suddenly no one to have dinner with, go movies with, etc.

    And then the society we live in… why so old not married yet? If she’s been with this guy for 8 years… I’m estimating that shes’ 30 years now. So all this pressure.

    I’m not saying that she should tie the knot, but perhaps this is what’s swimming in her head.

    Then again she could just be blind. Who knows?

  4. Jellybean said

    I have had 2 girlfriends go through a similar thing. One ended up marrying this deadbeat when she was barely 21 only to get divorced. In between there were 2 kids, a harrassing mom-in-law, an ex (with baby) hurling abuses, restraining orders and moves from state to state to escape the guy. All her friends saw this coming but she didn’t seem to want to see reason then – only saying that if she let him go how sure is she of finding another guy. Yup, she thought that lowly of herself and he just went on to erode her self-esteem even more.

    The other girlfriend is constantly attracted to the bad boy type – she enjoys the lifestyle (wineing and dining). And keeps getting her heart broken ‘cos he’s screwing around on her or refuses to commit. But everytime she looks to start something with a new man, these deadbeats come back into her life promising heaven and earth. Then it’s back to square one.

    I think it’s more common than we’d like to believe – that a girl is generally a little more gullible and naive. And ultimately just wants to be loved – even if it’s by an asshole.

  5. mymarty said

    Don’t have an answer on how to get her to “see” this guy for what he is.

    Same thing happned to my best friend. She was dating this man, and a month before they were to marry he admitted he was an alcholic. She then asked me, mistake, my opnion of what she should do with that info. I of course suggested she “cool her jets” and wait and see. She has children and I just hated to see her drag them through this. Of course, she told him what I recommended. Result was: They got married anyway and I wasn’t invited.

    Two years later she divorced him.

    Four years later she called and let me say “I told you so”.

    We are now friends again.

  6. loquterz said

    This is a classic case of loving the time spent on the relationship not the person… sad sad truth… most pple confuse the love of time for the love of a person. Get over it… such is life … may the divorce come fast

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